Okay, so, this whole “James Franco and Anne Hathaway are going to draw younger viewers to the Oscars” strategy is a bust because (a) we’re not really big stars yet and we both kind of suck at hosting, especially me, and (b) the first part of the telecast is loaded with stuff about Hollywood’s past anyhow, which would have driven younger viewers away even if Anne and I were better known and didn’t kind of suck, especially me, and (c) Wow, look, Kirk Douglas is totally killing in his supporting actress intro just by futzing around and doing that ‘Look at me, I’m an old guy and I had a stroke and I can barely talk, but watch me charm the hell out everybody and flirt with Anne and mercilessly draw out the suspense before I read Melissa Leo’s name off the little card’ routine. He probably does that at family gatherings, too.